tired tired tired.
i feel drained. never felt so tired since the start of the year.
never felt this tired even when i was sick, feeling sleepy before papers and forcing my brain to its maximum limits.
its just the sad fact of the lit test has just dawned upon me and the possibility of how every hope that you have may start to crumble before your very eyes.
like you are staring at that wonderful firework, hoping that it would stay, last a bit longer and then all it does is to fade away. all you have is just that instant, where you saw some light, had some faith, held some hope.
i hope its not that bad.
Hope. In Hope.
Sometimes i really feel like Offred in handmaid's tale.
how you tried to hope,
yet somewhere somehow something comes along,
knocks on your head to question the validity of it all,
then tries to slowly chip away errode away some parts of it that you hold onto so strongly.
or at least you believe you should try to do so.
perhaps maybe i just try to make everything appear as more pitiful than it should have be.
somehow i wish that eya can just last for 8-9 days straight
then at least you won't have time to feel for anything, to reflect on anything to feel scared for anything.
then all you have to do after dragging yourself up one hill is to plunge yourself into another world of facts and rules and figures and laws and get your head clear for the next hurdle you are going to clear.
the ride of the roller coaster. fast thrilling lack of time to react
too much time gives rise to complacency
too much complacency gives rise to too much things getting muddled up in your head when it shouldn't be.
the momentum ought not to have been broken.
hanging in the middle of no where, especially upside down in the middle of a roller coaster ride is no joke.
last lap.
last lap the one last lap.
make it as good as it can be wy.
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